The acronym LGBTQ+ stands for “Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer/Questioning and those who identify some other way”.
The relationship between gender identity and sexual orientation is complex. Sexual orientation refers to individuals’ attractions to others–who they love and date, and to whom they are physically and/or emotionally attracted. The terms lesbian, gay, and bisexual refer to one’s sexual orientation.
Gender identity refers to an individual's internal experience of gender. Transgender refers to one’s knowledge in their gender identity being different than that which was assigned at birth.
In basic terms, gender identity is concerned with who one is, and sexual orientation is concerned with who one loves.
Q: Do I have to make an appointment or let someone know that I’m coming?
A: No. You can simply drop in to our meetings which run year round, no matter what. We're always holding a
meeting the 3rd Monday of every month from 7-9pm at 989 San Ramon Valley Blvd.
Q: Who can come to a meeting?
A: Everyone! There are many different types of people who come to PFLAG meetings. All are welcome. Our
chapter is celebrating its 25th anniversary next year. We have a few board members who have been with our
chapter since almost the beginning. A few of our founders are still members as well, even though they have
moved away. We also have new families joining us at our meetings almost every single month.
You will always have a home with PFLAG whether you just want support now, or whether you'd like to stick
around for awhile!
Q: Who are at these meetings?
A: The people who are at PFLAG meetings are everyday people. We come from various backgrounds, occupations,
and age groups. Some of us have gone through similar experiences to what you may be facing with your lgbtq
loved one. Sometimes we are still struggling with being a parent or family member of a loved one who is LGBTQ.
Many of us come to PFLAG just to share stories and enjoy the company of other PFLAG members.
Many of us have had to struggle with being LGBTQ or having an LGBTQ child, and being in a church or temple
that rejects LGBTQ people. You are welcome at PFLAG. We will support you in your struggle.
Q: Why do people come to a meeting?
A: Each of us comes for different reasons:
* support a friend who is LGBTQ
* learn how to handle LGBTQ issues that face them in today’s society, and how to stand up for the rights
of LGBTQ people
* learn what transgender or non-binary gender is all about.
* to connect with other folks in their community who care about and are working for equal rights for
* to learn from other family members and allies how they can tell the people in their own
lives that they are LGBTQ.
* to help other people adjust to the news that someone they know is LGBTQ.
* to create a family of choice to replace the family they lost when they came out.
Q: Do I need a reason to attend a PFLAG meeting?
A: No. You do not have to have a pressing issue or be associated with anyone in the gay community. You can
simply come and you will be welcome.
Q: What usually happens at meetings?
A: We start off with an introduction about PFLAG, some guidelines about confidentiality and some quick
announcements. There might be an educational component or a guest speaker, followed by sharing, or it
might be a regular sharing meeting. Sharing often begins with introductions, if we have an LGBTQ loved one,
or if we are LGBTQ or not. We always end with refreshments and socializing, mingling to get to know
each other a little better.
Q: I am really not comfortable with the idea of coming to a meeting yet. Is there any way I can meet PFLAG members
without having to go to a meeting?
A: We understand that it can be difficult to be the newcomer and to come to a meeting for the first time. We’ve
all been through that experience. We'll try to arrange a meeting with an experienced PFLAG member so you
can talk about your experience prior to your joining us in one of our regular monthly meetings. This is often
just a casual get together over a cup of coffee at a local coffeeshop.
Some people bring their friends or someone else they trust to PFLAG meetings. We welcome anyone who
walks through our PFLAG door.
Q: What do people talk about at meetings?
A: PFLAG members talk about all kinds of things. Some share the news that their LGBTQ child or loved one
has come out to their family. Others may know or suspect their child or loved one is lgbtq+, but their child
hasn't come out to them yet. You might hear people discuss concerns about family members, friends or
co-workers who are not accepting of LGBTQ individuals. It's common to hear how someone has become much
more aware of lgbtq inequality and insults they witness in their everyday lives. We'll sometimes share news
stories affecting lgbtq individuals and/or the community.
No matter what your individual story is, you may like to hear what other people have done regarding
their own "coming out" about having an lgbtq+ child or loved one. It's not uncommon to share feelings of
grief or a sense of mourning over the hope and dreams we had pictured for the future. It's so very helpful
to hear from those who went through this a long time ago share all the happy stories of how it truly gets
better... way better!
Q: I have heard that PFLAG meetings only consist of parents who sob about their children being gay. Is this true?
A: No. We take time to celebrate our loved ones. We talk, we enjoy each other’s company, and we have great
refreshments! We also always support those who are struggling, since we've all had our own struggles and
know how helpful it is to have someone to talk to who understands what we're dealing with.
Q: How often do people come to PFLAG meetings?
A: People come as often as they want. You are under no obligation to PFLAG, ever. We hope that you find the
PFLAG chapter a welcoming and interesting community. We also like to have fun together at different
events throughout the year as well!
It's common to have people come back because they want to give support to others who are coming to a
PFLAG meeting for the first time.
Not all meetings are the same. If a PFLAG meeting is not what you expected, let us know. We can give you
feedback on whether you experienced a "typical" meeting or not. If you didn’t feel you got what you needed
from a PFLAG meeting, we encourage you to talk with a PFLAG board member to make sure that we hear
your story and your concerns. That's how we can best ensure we're meeting the needs of our members.
Q: Do I have to join PFLAG and pay dues to attend?
A: You don’t have to be an official dues paying member, but we hope you will consider supporting PFLAG by
joining the chapter. Membership supports the chapter’s expenses and helps cover the cost of our initiatives.
You can also support the chapter by making donations or volunteering your time.
Your PFLAG Board Members of the Danville / San Ramon Valley Chapter