While progress is being made collecting empirical data and evidence-based research around lgbtq+ matters, science is trying to catch up to explain the child who stands before us asking for support, acceptance and love for who they are. The empirical evidence standing there anticipating our reaction to their coming out isn’t going to wait for the results of that research. Our beautiful empirical evidence needs to know right now that no matter what – we’ve got them, they’re loved and accepted.
We’re surrounded by voices sharing opinions not based on much more than bias and often repeated sound bites. These voices tell us there’s something wrong with our kids and by extension our parenting. It’s easy to casually or vociferously share opinions when it doesn’t touch you personally.
These voices don’t have a kid staring up at them asking to be reassured that there’s nothing wrong with them. The voices don’t see the actual kid who is struggling with thoughts they’re having around their romantic orientation or gender identity. They don’t know the kid who is not questioning - but rather knows beyond doubt they are lgbtq+ and is watching for our response. The kid is watching to see if they’ll be accepted for who they are. Will they still be loved?
Sharing with other parents, families and friends who have had to filter these voices and navigate the many issues involved with being lgbtq+ today is reassuring. It makes us better equipped to provide the best support we can to our kids and loved ones and of course it feels great to know we aren’t alone too!
It can be tricky figuring out what’s going on with our kids. But as we learned from Stephen Altbaum, MFT a specialist in Psychiatry at Kaiser Permanente, there’s no hurry. Loving and supporting our kids today in their discovery of themselves without rushing to figure out a label for them is what’s important.
Therapy may not be necessary at all. No reputable therapist is going to try to “fix” our lgbtq+ kids through conversion therapy, because it’s harmful. Also, no reputable therapist is going to try to influence a kid to become lgbtq+. However, if you feel help from a therapist is needed, there are those with lgbtq+ training (we have some names if you need them) who will take the time necessary to help the individual and family figure out if it’s an lgbtq+ issue or something else (or both!)
Feel free to call us, if you'd like to talk. We aren't professional therapists. Many of us started out in our chapter because we just want to talk to other parents like ourselves for support, information and resources. Friendships have developed through PFLAG as well… think of it like soccer parents, only different. That’s the strength of PFLAG – we care about each other and are ready to provide support to the next parent, family or friend who learns their child or loved one is lgbtq+.
We’ve been running our monthly meetings the 3rd Monday of the month 7-9pm for 25 years here in Danville. PFLAG’s monthly support meetings, speakers, forums, family activities and school and community networking has kept us positioned as a vital resource in the San Ramon Valley over the years. Please mark your calendars – PFLAG of Danville/San Ramon Valley is celebrating our 25th Anniversary on Saturday, 10/10/20 at the Veteran’s Memorial Building in Danville.
Every month, our chapter has new families and friends joining us who have kids or loved ones who are lgbtq+ and who are at different stages of coming out, or who are out themselves. Some of our members are parents who have kids in school, some are grandparents, and some have kids who are lgbtq+ adults. We welcome local lgbtq+ adults who offer us depth of knowledge and experience to make our chapter stronger as well, or who are in need of support themselves.
Call us anytime. We’re confident your family will find support and education through the awesome parents, families and friends of the lgbtq+ community who make up our chapter. If your family has already navigated the initial stages, please call us to discuss how you might help PFLAG as we support new families, provide education to our community, and advocate for lgbtq+ equality.
You can reach us at (925) 207-3599 or firstname.lastname@example.org
PFLAG envisions a world where diversity is celebrated and all people are respected, valued, and affirmed inclusive of their sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender expression.
Meeting people where they are and collaborating with others, we:
PFLAG is working to make sure that all people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer are not only valued by society, but take pride in and value themselves. We do this through providing peer-to-peer support, educating people on the issues that are important to the community, and advocating for inclusive policies and laws.
Family support and acceptance is critical to the health and wellbeing of people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer...and PFLAG has been at the forefront of this work for over four decades.
People who are LGBTQ and their families deserve to be safe and secure, no matter where they live, work, study, pray or play. Through our mission of support, education, and advocacy, PFLAG works to make sure that all communities provide this type of security, and have the resources needed to help those communities thrive.
PFLAG's vision is to create a world where difference is celebrated, and all people are valued inclusive of their sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender expression. Our mission of support, education, and advocacy guides our work on this important goal.